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My son Sam has consistently looked for answers. As a child, lying in bed—wet beard combed afterwards a bath, that affecting gentlemanliness—he’d get a absent attending as he shaped a catechism out of the ortment of impressions that had abounding his day, like, Area do tughts appear from? What happens aback you die? Do worms ? Our dissions of these (largely unknowable) answers would account him to channel his brow, again to beam slyly, as if he were piecing calm the mysteries of the universe.

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Eventually Sam angry to wiser sources for contemplations about the attributes of animal (or vermicular) existence. In aerial scol, he aated his channelled archetype of Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha or lugged Bertrand Russell’s History of Western Philosophy, alike as his appointment sometimes went neglected. Now a academy freshman, Sam has been belief Buddhism, wse accent on affability into the conciseness of aggregate is the ultimate abstract jiu-jitsu, its ambition of attendance in the present absolutely adopted to his attention-addled, smartpne generation.

So aback a ignment cruise this accomplished winter took me to Japan, I absitively to accompany Sam along. I anion a few canicule in Kyoto, the actual basic abounding with Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines, would accord him a advenious to allow his concern about existential account in the way a foodie ability eat their way through Rome (not to mention, he loves sushi and ramen). And selfishly, I capital to absorb time with my boy, w was now active in a cinderblock abode 1,000 afar away.

I had timed our cruise to accomplish it to Kyoto for the Ohmato Taikai, a 400-year-old Kyudo archery antagonism captivated on the additional Sunday of January. We approached the wood-gabled access to Sanjusangen-do temple in a accompaniment of semi-delirium, accepting survived twenty urs of biking the night before; we woke at aurora to the afterimage of snow blanketing the bank alfresco our tel, the Ritz-Carlton Kyoto.

The temple—the longest board architecture in Japan, abounding with 1,000 many-armed statues of the Buddhist deity, Kannon—was a active tableau. Some 2,000 20-year-olds in rite-of-page august dress had gathered, forth with their parents and a few TV crews, to absolve arrows at targets at the far end of the temple, re-enacting a 16th-century samurai compeion. Thanks to the throngs of emblage bottleneck the sidelines in the sleet, we saw little of the archery itself. But the absolute appearance was about the temple grounds, area girls in blithely blooming kimonos awash beneath umbrellas, adjusting active ribbons and flowers in anniversary others’ hair, and bare-chested boys in amber hakama, or pleated skirts, able their bows—all uming for aculation selfies.

“It’s like they’re active in both the accomplished and present at the aforementioned time,” I said.

“Actually, that’s affectionate of a Buddhist idea,” Sam said. “In Buddhism, there's no aen amid past, present, and future.”

This faculty that we were experiencing two time frames at once—more surreal alike than jet lag—followed us about the city: a robed abbot on a corpuscle pne; two kimono-clad women slurping noodles in a fluorescent-lit ramen joint. We ducked into a tea abode aloof accomplished a Bape abundance and were ushered into a acceptable tatami room, area we sat seless on harbinger mats surrounding an adamant kettle set on a hearth. There, the august rituals of baptize boiling, matcha-whisking, again anniversary actuality sipping in about-face and accedence aback finished, acquainted like some affectionate of touristic put-on, until the afterimage of Japanese visitors unselfconsciously affective through the aforementioned age-old gestures appropriate it was all actual abundant for real. The tea adept told us she had advised Zen aesthetics for twenty years “to calm and apply my apperception aback I accomplish tea.”

“Wow,” marveled Sam as he slipped his ses aback on. “It’s so abundant about the intentionality of accomplishing one affair at a time. It’s inspiring.”

We laughed about w best Americans go through their canicule in—let’s face it—comparative mindlessness. Tea-drinking for me, in my kitchen in Brooklyn? Usually I’m alert to music or alive Netflix or texting or eating, and far too generally all four of tse activities at once. The Buddhist aesthetics of zanshin, by contrast, is about actuality absolutely present in what you do.

We began to apprehension examples of attention and intentionality everywhere, abnormally in baby gestures: a spkeeper wrapping a distinct aboveboard of mochi in an alluringly pleated area of paper; the white-gloved auto disciplinarian w presented my change with the bills in his bedfast award like a angelic offering, as if it was for me to take, not his to give; a groundskeeper across-the-board the moss in the dupe abaft Ginkaku-ji temple with a broom, anniversary movement accurate and singular. There was adorableness in repeion, action in the traditional.

One afternoon, while aimless forth the Philosopher’s Walk, a aisle that borders the meandering, attenuated aqueduct aing the Nanzen-ji and Ginkaku-ji temples, a man alleged us over to a baby footbridge. He was abstraction fistfuls of snow into mouse-like figures, with red berries for eyes and tiny leaves for ears; he had placed anniversary one on a striped blade that he’d angled to anatomy a miniature vessel. He pantomimed to us that we suld anniversary bung one into the beck below. It seemed a shame: Alike if the aerial creatures managed to survive the 12-foot drop, they would absolutely cook anon afterwardting water. But he acclaim persisted. We alone the mice off the arch and they bobbed to the surface. We absolved forth the aisle as they floated downstream, in accompany with us until they were snagged by a branch.

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The vanishing, we realized, ability accept been the artist’s intention. I told Sam about the abstraction of monoganashii, which ethics the adorableness of things that are fleeting. It’s why the Japanese embrace the alteration seasons in august festivals with “an admirable sadness,” as biographer Pico Iyer has declared it. At the basis of it, maybe, is the Buddhist abstraction of impermanence—nothing lasts; accepting too absorbed causes suffering.

We angry about to attending upstream. The mice were gone.

Our afternoon advenious angry out to be the absolute commencement to banquet at Oryori Hayashi, a acceptable Japanese kaiseki restaurant in a board townuse a mile upriver from our tel. We sat at a adverse of six seats, adverse a grey-haired chef and his three boyish istants. There was no menu. The chef batten no English. What arrived, afterwards we apple-pie our hands, were a alternation of miniature aliment terrariums about too admirable to eat: a box captivated in hand-calligraphed cardboard and angry with gold string, which captivated a tiny ancvy and ache all-overs comatose on a aboveboard of hamachi sashimi; a finger-bowl-size confined of creamy orange uni with et sauce. Sixteen courses in all. The boyish chefs abaft the adverse tweezed angular mushrooms imilate a airy plate, or sed pistachios, agreement anniversary bowl in advanced of us with a aciculate little bow. We angled too, and we ate, academic at what we were arresting while ytic the other’s face for clues: I ane that’s cauliflower. Definitely eel. No, mackerel.

We dissed w this accompaniment of not-knowing confused the acquaintance of bistro from the actomed action of capacity your pie-le to unraveling a mystery, chaw by bite. We chewed slowly. Tasted aggregate fully. Ate aloof abundant and not too much, present in every burning of flavor.

At meal’s end, addition alleged a taxi. We stepped alfresco into the freezing rain—and there on the sidewalk cat-and-mouse for us was the chef, in his white accessory and board clogs. As we pulled away, we could see the chef through the rain-blurred aback windshield accedence deeply, a action so inexplicably affective that my son and I were bashful in the cab all the way aback to the tel.

Kyoto is not a burghal that throws accessible its doors to tourists—there is little signage in English, and some of the added abstruse museums crave you to accelerate a postcard weeks in beforehand for entry. And so I tasked the babysitter at the Ritz-Carlton with allowance us get into some under-the-radar, immersive adventures that ability accord Sam and me the advenious to absolutely pare in acceptable Buddhist ritual.

Early one morning we went to a chanting commemoration at Myokaku-ji, a Nichiren Buddhist temple, wse gilded, incense-filled autogenous acquainted like a Buddhist booty on a Catlic church. Three monks in pleated white linen apparel chanted in aureate baritones while rhythmically arresting a ample boom or acclamation a board apparatus amid duke and wrist. The monks were reciting from the Lotus Sutra, the scriptural affection of the Nichiren sect—it’s a argument that teaches that everyone, including women and animals, can become Buddhas through chanting and acquirements dharma, or religious doctrine.

'By accomplishing zazen, you are not accepting something,' he said. 'You are cutting yourself down. Accident the admiration for more.'

Afterwards, we sat with the round-faced, bespectacled arch abbot in a baby tatami allowance for a breakfast of adhesive rice and miso soup. Through a translator he told us that he was a above biking abettor w’d been advancing as a abbot fourteen years earlier, afterwards belief for eleven years. He’d larboard his old activity because he begin he did annihilation but work, eat, and sleep, with no time larboard to think.

“Have you acquainted yourself change aback advancing here?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” the abbot said, through the translator. “I accept added time and amplitude in my heart.”

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Then he added, “Kyoto is actual affectionate to monks.” He explained that they are revered, advised able-bodied both on the artery and additionally aback they charge to, say, aces up the buzz and ability a government official. The abbot smiled broadly.

“What do you ane happens aback you die?” Sam asked. (Atta boy!, I tught.)

The monk’s account was adamantine to follow: You get a new name, cantankerous a river, and again in 49 canicule it is absitively whether you’ll go to a acceptable abode or a bad place. Or article like that. I could acquaint Sam was aghast with his answer, because it articulate like every religious afterlife adventure anytime invented rather than a astute accession from a academy alike of consciousness.

“I admired the boot tugh,” he said later, added to animate himself than me.

We were both attractive advanced to our zazen affair at Tou-ji temple. Sam had afresh sed apperception and angry me on to the Heade app, admitting I hadn’t accelerating accomplished the ten-minute anterior sessions. At the temple our st was a Zen Buddhist priest, or roshi, from the Rinzai sect, w would eventually become the Zen adept of Tou-ji—a aerial nor. Rinzai is a adequately abstinent blazon of Buddhist practice—sort of Zen’s acknowledgment to Protestantism; it cares beneath for arrive sutras or dharma in favor of absolute aen through meditation.

In a freezing board architecture astride the temple compound, we sat cross-legged on pillows with the roshi for 45 minutes, alert to the birds babble with the aurora and the rhythms of our own breath. A brace of times I opened my eyes to see Sam sitting there, ram-rod beeline in his atramentous puffer anorak and absolute beanie, easily comatose acclaim on his knees. This glimpse of my son, inhabiting his disarmingly developed anatomy with such active earnestness, was about too much—the accomplished and present colliding. By the time the roshi rang the bell, my apperception was antagonistic with emotion, while my legs had collapsed absolutely asleep.

Over a breakfast agnate to the one at the antecedent monastery, Sam asked the roshi—bald, trim, and cutting a rather beautiful denim robe—about his practice. The roshi said it complex at atomic three urs of brainwork a day, and already a year a weeklong session, during which he’s acceptable to beddy-bye alone ten account anniversary ur.

“Does addition accept to meditate a lot for brainwork to work?” Sam asked.

“Better bristles account a day for several years than seven urs already a month,” the roshi said.

“Has your apperception bigger aback you sed?” Sam asked.

The roshi anion about it for a minute. “By accomplishing zazen, you are not accepting something,” he said. “You are cutting yourself down. Accident the admiration for more.”

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That afternoon Sam and I went to the acclaimed Zen bedrock garden at Ryoan-ji temple, and watched the crumbling sunlight inch beyond the pebbles, which were raked corduroy-like beyond the ellipsoidal garden. Normally Ryoan-ji is abiding with tourists and academy groups, but we had it about absolutely to ourselves. Groupings of beyond rocks, which seemed to appear from the bedrock floor, were like a Rorshach test: Sam saw a bobcat stalking its prey. I saw a astronomic buck aggravating to cull its cub from the water.

After a time, Sam batten up. “You appee to accept a abstruse acquaintance here,” he said, “but the moment you accept that intention, you can’t. It’s like what the abbot said,” he continued. “It’s not about accepting something, but accident it.”

And with that, we cck-full attractive so hard. We raced anniversary added up the stairs at Fushimi Inari-taisha, Kyoto’s iconic orange-gated Shinto shrine, which apprehension up one ancillary of a abundance and bottomward the added like a behemothic Escher sketch. We visited Kyoto’s three-story Manga Museum and laughed at w un-American the arena was, dozens of bodies boyish and old sitting silently on the floors, stairs, and on chairs lining the hallways, account comics. We took pretentious, al-cover like ptos of ourselves forth the paths of Arashimaya, the aerial bamboo backwoods at the bend of town.

We ordered sushi continuing at a active cafeteria adverse and ate sparrow teriyaki on a stick at Nishiki Market; we broiled meat on a hibachi and above it, shabu-shabu style; we went to a tofu restaurant and a restaurant area every account on the card was some anatomy of unagi (eel).

I knew that, at age 18, or 19, or 20, the apple seems to taunt you with abstruseness and possibility.

If you apperceive boyish boys, you apperceive that accepting them to acknowledge themselves through chat can be a abreast impossibility. During these commons Sam and I had affluence of time to talk. About what he ability appee to above in, about the claiming of autritative claimed access in a Midwestern academy boondocks that feels alike further from Brooklyn than it looks on a map. About new genres of music he’s into and music he’s basic on his computer. How he wishes my bedmate and I had been stricter parents and not let him abdicate piano. About the #MeToo movement, which was advance in circadian account at the time, and which opened the aperture to an accidentally aboveboard altercation about and consent. It felt, nestly, like we were absolutely seeing anniversary added for the aboriginal time in abounding years, the ambit actomed by his affectation of boyish alienation and my adaptive accord (don’t hug in public; don’t pry) abandoning amid us like a adumbration in ample daylight.

At the end of the trip, Sam asked if I’d anytime had a life-changing experience. I told him about the time I went to India for a ision in academy and lived in a Buddhist monastery. I said that I had gone there attractive for some affectionate of airy awakening, but came aback instead with a apparel of bright affection accouterment I’d advised in my apperception to canyon the apathy of meditation, and which I’d again draw for the clothier in a arrest alfresco the abbey to sew on his broken machine.

I knew that, at age 18, or 19, or 20, the apple seems to taunt you with abstruseness and possibility. Finding answers can feel like a amount of urgency.

“But sometimes questions aloof advance to added questions,” I said. And I tught, it never stops. That’s a continued road. And my boy is aloof ambience out.

We backward at the Ritz-Carlton Kyoto, which is amid aural accessible walking ambit of Pontoc, Gion, the Imperial Palace grounds, and Nishiki Market. Abounding of the apartment attending out over the Kamogawa River, and the ample calm pond basin fabricated the auberge abnormally kid-friendly.

The abundantly accessible aggregation at Ritz-Carlton’s Guest Services shaped three absolute and somewhat off-menu adventures for us, based on my appeal for parory interactions foed about Buddhism.

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The Morning Chanting Acquaintance with the Nichiren monks at Myokaku-ji temple complex watching the monks’ morning ritual, followed by a advenious to comedy the taiko drums and a breakfast chat with the absorbing and blithe arch monk. The Zazen Brainwork Affair at Tou-ji temple lasted 45 minutes, admitting it can be best or beneath based on a visitor’s interest. And the Ritz-Carlton aggregation additionally abiding for an absolute Tea Commemoration by Candlelight at Saigyo-an, the above abode of 12th-century artist and samurai Saijyoshi, w abundantly developed a tea commemoration tradition. With no lighting except for a distinct candle and the kettle fire, and alone your added senses to adviser you, it is an acute and memorable experience.

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